Be the Phoenix
Have you ever had those mornings when you’re faced with a todo list of a thousand things and you can’t face the thought of tackling a single one of them?
You’d rather just crawl back in bed and hide.
Because something happened that threw you off, completely changed your mood or your level of motivation and you’d rather rebel than deal with any of it.
Yup, that was my morning today.
It’s Monday as I write this. We had a full weekend of parading it up (it’s Mardi Gras season here). And when my alarm went off at 6:15am I was in the middle of a really weird dream.
There were people being held captive in a dank, concrete room. I was the one holding them, I think, and at some point I became a prisoner myself. I don’t recall why we were being held, but it was odd and unsettling.
So the alarm’s buzzing, and I’m like NOPE. I turned it off in my sleep.
Well, that set the tone for the next three hours. Because I ended up waking up 22 minutes before my son was supposed to get on the bus.
I could sprint out of bed and rush rush rush, or go slowly and just drive him to school. I chose slow.
He was upset that I’d made him miss the bus. He likes to ride with his friends and eat breakfast at school. So that was Strike One.
Then he piddled so slowly that he was too late to arrive in time for breakfast at school and we were out of time for a sit down breakfast at home, so I gave him a Kind bar, which he begrudgingly ate on the car drive over. (He doesn’t care for Kind bars.) Strike Two.
He was brooding the entire eight-minute drive to school and didn’t say a word to me. Even as he got out of the car and we parted ways for the day. Nail in the coffin.
Uggghhh!
I don’t like starting my days this way–feeling behind or experiencing tension between myself and another person, or the shame of not getting it right for someone else. Who would like to start their day in this place?!
So when I returned home, already behind on the day’s personal and work responsibilities, I was in a funk mood and had zero desire to jump right into the pile of client work waiting for me.
I had three choices:
Crawl back into bed.
Jump into the work with a bad attitude.
Stop, observe and begin again.
I sat down with the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I’ve been inching my way through it since December. It’s one of those books that you don’t rush through if you really want to absorb Tolle’s ideas. You read a section, then put it down for a day or two so you have time to reflect on what you’ve learned.
This book has helped me reprogram my nearly 45-year-old brain by teaching me to stop and observe my thinking from a place of stillness.
Thoughts lead to feelings lead to actions. And I’ve been combatting feelings of shame, guilt and self-judgment because of my thinking patterns for most of my life.
Taking some time for myself with this book this morning allowed me to observe what I’d been feeling since before I even opened my eyes: anxiety. My subconscious (the prisoner dream) had set the tone for my day before my feet had even hit the floor!
Instead of shaming myself for the morning’s hiccups, I acknowledged (without judgment) my role in how it all went downhill so quickly. And with that awareness I remembered that I had the power to turn it around.
Because…
The only moment that matters is the one we are each experiencing right now. And in each given moment, we always have a choice.
Do I want to feel anxiety all day long? Hell no!
So I took a few deep breaths, forgave myself, and started over.
You can begin again at any given moment. It’s simply a tiny death, one of thousands you’ll have over your lifetime, so that you can be reborn. Again and again and again.
Be the phoenix, my friend.
What thoughts are you having that may require you to:
STOP.
OBSERVE.
BEGIN AGAIN.
????
I’d love to hear about your small deaths and rebirths! Shoot me a message. :)
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